I never thought I’d trust myself again. After years of gaslighting and manipulation, my self-confidence was shattered. But here I am, stronger than ever. And you know what? You can be too!
Toxic relationships have a way of creeping into every corner of our minds, leaving us questioning our judgment and worth. It’s like trying to navigate through a thick fog where every step feels uncertain. But here’s the thing – that fog can lift, and you can learn to trust yourself again.
In this article, I’m going to share 7 steps that helped me rebuild trust in myself after a toxic relationship. These aren’t just theories from a textbook; they’re hard-won lessons from someone who’s been in the trenches. So, grab a cup of tea (or something stronger, no judgment here!), and let’s dive into this journey of self-rediscovery together.
Understanding the Aftermath of a Toxic Relationship
Whew, where do I even start? Toxic relationships are like emotional hurricanes, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. I remember feeling like a shell of my former self, constantly second-guessing every decision. It was exhausting!
The psychological impact of these partnerships runs deep. You might find yourself struggling with anxiety, depression, or even PTSD. For me, it manifested as a constant knot in my stomach and an inability to make even the simplest decisions. Should I wear the blue shirt or the red one? Cue instant panic attack!
Some common signs that your self-trust has taken a hit include:
- Constantly seeking validation from others
- Difficulty making decisions without input from friends or family
- Overanalyzing every interaction
- Feeling like you’re “crazy” or “too sensitive”
Sound familiar? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken beyond repair.
Rebuilding trust in yourself isn’t just some feel-good advice – it’s crucial for healing and moving forward. It’s like rebuilding the foundation of a house; without it, everything else is shaky. Trust me, I’ve tried to skip this step, and it only led to more heartache down the road.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Damage and Validate Your Feelings
Okay, real talk time. The first step in this journey is often the toughest – facing the music. It’s time to look at the damage head-on and give yourself permission to feel all the feels.
When I first left my toxic relationship, I tried to play it cool. “I’m fine,” I’d say, plastering on a smile. Spoiler alert: I was not fine. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to really sit with my emotions – the anger, the sadness, the fear – that I started to heal.
Here’s a little exercise that helped me: Set a timer for 5 minutes and write down every emotion you’re feeling, no matter how “silly” or “unjustified” it might seem. There are no wrong answers here. You feel what you feel, period.
Remember, acknowledging your feelings doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you’re letting your ex “win.” It’s actually a sign of strength. You’re facing your truth, and that takes guts.
Step 2: Challenge Negative Self-Talk and Cognitive Distortions
Oh boy, the inner critic. After a toxic relationship, that little voice can become a full-blown monster. “You’re unlovable,” it whispers. “You’ll never trust again,” it taunts. Sound familiar?
These thoughts aren’t just annoying – they’re often cognitive distortions, twisted ways of thinking that aren’t based in reality. Some common ones I struggled with were:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “I made one mistake, so I’m a total failure.”
- Overgeneralization: “I had one bad relationship, so all my relationships will be toxic.”
- Catastrophizing: “I’m going to die alone with 47 cats.”
The key is to catch these thoughts and challenge them. It feels weird at first, like you’re arguing with yourself (which, let’s be honest, you kind of are). But it gets easier with practice.
Try this: Next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and ask, “Would I say this to my best friend?” If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself either. Be your own best friend – you deserve it!
Step 3: Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness
Alright, time for some real vulnerability here. The hardest person for me to forgive after my toxic relationship wasn’t my ex – it was myself. I beat myself up for not seeing the red flags, for staying too long, for losing myself in the process.
But here’s the truth bomb I finally had to swallow: I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. And so did you.
Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook; it’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. It’s acknowledging that you’re human, and humans make mistakes.
One exercise that really helped me was writing a letter to my younger self, the one who was in the thick of the toxic relationship. I poured out all the love and understanding I wish I’d had then. It was a tear-jerker, but man, was it healing.
Remember, forgiveness is a process, not a destination. Some days you’ll nail it, others you’ll struggle. That’s okay. You’re unlearning years of negative patterns – give yourself some grace.
Step 4: Set and Enforce Personal Boundaries
Boundaries. Oh, how I wish I’d understood their importance sooner! In my toxic relationship, my boundaries were as flimsy as a wet paper towel. I’d say no, then cave at the first sign of pushback. Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing: boundaries aren’t just about saying no to others. They’re about saying yes to yourself. They’re the fence that protects your emotional garden, keeping the good stuff in and the harmful stuff out.
Start small. Maybe it’s deciding that you won’t answer work emails after 7 pm. Or that you won’t lend money to friends. Whatever it is, state it clearly and stick to it.
And here’s the kicker – you don’t need to justify your boundaries to anyone. “No” is a complete sentence. It felt weird at first, like I was being rude. But trust me, healthy people will respect your boundaries. And those who don’t? Well, they’re waving those red flags nice and high for you to see.
Step 5: Reconnect with Your Intuition and Inner Wisdom
Let’s talk about that gut feeling. You know, the one you probably ignored a thousand times in your toxic relationship? Yeah, that one. It’s time to become BFFs with it again.
Your intuition is like a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it gets. For me, rebuilding this connection started with small decisions. What do I feel like eating for dinner? Which route do I want to take to work today?
I found journaling to be super helpful here. Every night, I’d write down one decision I made that day based on my gut feeling and how it turned out. It was amazing to see how often my intuition was spot on.
Here’s a prompt to get you started: “If I trusted myself completely, I would…” Set a timer for 5 minutes and just write. You might be surprised at what comes out.
Remember, your intuition is yours alone. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. Trust it, nurture it, and watch your confidence grow.
Step 6: Celebrate Small Wins and Practice Self-Affirmation
Okay, confession time. I used to roll my eyes at affirmations. Standing in front of a mirror saying nice things to myself? Puh-lease. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and let me tell you, this stuff works.
Start small. Did you get out of bed today? Win! Did you set a boundary and stick to it? Massive win! Did you make a decision without asking 17 people for their opinion first? Pop the champagne!
I started keeping a “wins” journal. Every night, I’d write down three things I was proud of that day. Some days it was big stuff, like nailing a presentation at work. Other days, it was just “I flossed my teeth.” All wins count.
As for affirmations, make them personal and meaningful to you. None of this generic “I am worthy” stuff (unless that resonates with you, then go for it!). Mine was “I trust my gut and honor my needs.” Find what works for you and repeat it daily. It feels silly at first, but stick with it. Your subconscious is listening.
Step 7: Seek Support and Consider Professional Help
Last but definitely not least, don’t go through this alone. You don’t have to, and frankly, you shouldn’t. Humans are pack animals – we need our tribe.
Support groups were a game-changer for me. Being around others who just “got it” without me having to explain was incredibly healing. Plus, it’s pretty powerful to see others at different stages of their journey. It gives you hope, you know?
And therapy? Oh boy, was I resistant at first. I thought it meant I was broken or weak. Turns out, it’s one of the bravest and smartest things I’ve ever done for myself. A good therapist is like a personal trainer for your mind, helping you build those emotional muscles.
Finding the right therapist can take time. It’s okay to shop around. You need someone you click with, someone who gets you. Don’t settle for less.
Conclusion
Phew! We’ve covered a lot of ground, haven’t we? Rebuilding trust in yourself after a toxic relationship is no small feat. It’s a journey, not a destination, and it’s okay if you take two steps forward and one step back sometimes.
Remember, healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel on top of the world, others you might want to hide under the covers. That’s normal. Be patient with yourself. You’re unlearning years of negative patterns and rebuilding your sense of self. That takes time.
But here’s what I want you to take away from all this: you are capable of healing. You are worthy of trust – especially your own. And you are so much stronger than you know.
So, take that first step. Maybe it’s trying one of the exercises we talked about. Maybe it’s reaching out to a friend or looking up therapists in your area. Whatever it is, do it. Future you will thank you for it.